Is A Phat Ass Important?

“Some of u fellas have awful taste in women. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but CMON. A phat azz does not make her bomb…” - @LBoogie007

The Ass. Like Fried Chicken, Kool-Aid, and high cholesterol, is embedded in Black Culture. Black Men love ass. Hell, these days ALL men love ass regardless of race, but it’s the Black Man who would look at something like Buffy The Body and say “Damn, I need that” and then look at Alicia Keys and say, “she's okay if you like little bubbles”. Just "okay"? Those two names shouldn’t even be uttered in the same sentence homie.

Let me get this off my chest—HAVING A PHAT ASS IS OVERRATED.

I love to watch you switch, I love to dance with you in the club, I may even give it a smack just to see how solid it is. But that’s where my fascination ends. I have never messed with a girl because of ass size, that's the least important part of the package, if she's holding-- cool, that's just the cherry on top. A phat ass does not make the pussy better. A phat ass doesn’t make doggy style more enjoyable for me. Truthfully the only time it’s ever been worth the hype is when she’s riding from the back and you can get the full portrait as it bounces up and down. That’s a great POV. But it’s not worth it if that’s all she’s bringing to the table.

UGLY GIRLS WITH PHAT BUTTS: For every Kim Kardashian you have a Deelishes… we all know Deelishes could be a stuntman in The Expendables but niggas love to “ooh” and “ahh” over her despite her manly features. I’ve seen guys stop in the intersections, green light and everything, and they’re hypnotized watching a chick switch by. They don’t look at the face; they’re looking at the ass.The club is the worst because your objective is to dance with the girl with the biggest butt, and thankfully clubs are dark. You grinding on me got me rock hard because your booty was big and soft, but if the lights come on and you look like Whoopie Goldberg's less attractive little sister, it's a wrap. But I’m in the minority. Every day a nigga hollas at a Grenade because of what she’s packing behind her, if they have to deal with a WNBA face in order to get to a Video Vixen ass, they’ll do it. “Oh man she gotta a reindeer ass” A reindeer is a fucking animal. I don’t want to fuck Donner or Blitzin! Sitting a cup on an ass does not make my dick hard. At the same time, if you're a big booty Judy who isn't the prettiest-- USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. I was at this battle of the bands with some friends; this girl who I just met had “The Front’s Even Better” written on the back of her shirt. This girl had a humongous ass, but her face wasn't that appealing. The other girl who I was with whispered to me, “She should switch that shirt around”. I died laughing. And as dude after dude broke their neck looking at her ass and trying to get her number we just kept laughing, the girl had no idea of the inside joke and just said, “yall two silly”. She carried herself like she was a dime because since she developed that booty, dudes have been giving her dime attention, but to the average eye she would be classified as busted. But I give her props because swagger is the most attractive thing a girl can have, and that ass allowed her to have super hyper combo finisher swag.

ANY BIG ASS WILL DO: A Big ass and a Phat ass are NOT THE SAME. I've noticed lately that chicks with big sloppy booties are equally sought after. You know, the post 25, 3 kids pushed out, and still thinks she has a 19 year old's ass? They're in style too. I was with my homie eating and he went crazy when this chick walked in. Her ass wasn’t an apple, it wasn’t a bubble, it was stupid dumb soggy. You can look and see that once you peel off those sculpting jeans, the cottage cheese will drop faster than Owen Hart. But he was like “that’s what I’m talking about”. I was like she looks like a Tranny, he was like “I’m talking bout that ass”. Really? That’s all we’re talking about? You would put your dick in something that looks like Jamarcus Russell with a wig on, just because she has a badly aging donkey ass?

I like a pretty face above all, and then I’m a titty man. I will look at your cleavage and not apologize because you know what that shirt was meant to do—attract eyes to your milk mountains. I know some white dudes that swear by nice long legs. But all of my close friends love either the Phat Azz or the Big wide ol’ booty above all else. I see nice breast, I think about sucking them. I see your ass—ummm I’m not sucking that. I’m not licking it. I’m not even going to to fuck the actual ass. I had a girl with a donk in Philly, I couldn’t even enjoy looking at it jiggle because she refused to fuck with the lights on. 

You see this girl, she’s blessed. She has a Phat ass, big titties, and a pretty face. That’s hitting the jackpot. But she’s no better than you. Not all girls are born like that. And you know what—Who cares if you have a perfect ass like KiKi’s or a square butt? A brilliant rack like Adara’s or a flat chest? It doesn’t matter. ALL women have positives that they should be proud of. Do not covet what you weren’t blessed with. Which brings me to the real point of the blog.

Love Yourself

That british girl Victoria Windslowe died trying to get ass implants. She was so obsessed with having a phat ass that she flew all the way across the pond for an illegal procedure. She wanted to be the girl the boys broke their neck for. She didn’t get breast implants, she didn’t want a nose job, she wanted an ass because that’s what men today want. She’s not alone. If you’re a dude you can name dozens of girls who’ve complained “I wish my butt was bigger” or gotten hype, “My booty got big over the summer”. Black girls are so subconscious when they don’t have an ass because our culture dictates that “all black girls must have a big butt”. That’s bullshit. Not all Black Men have big dicks, but you don’t see Leon and Little Kev going to get penis implants. Niggas rock with what they got. Another thing that bothers me is gassing girls up. Bitch you have a small butt, I’m not saying its flat, but Christopher Columbus could see that it ain’t that round. Yet some nigga will get in your ear and say, “damn ma, you got a phat ass”.  Now shorty thinks she’s Angel Lola Luv. I’ve seen a girl rock the same jeans every time she went to the mall because those were the jeans she got a compliment in. WHY? Why do you need a big ass to be happy? Do you realize that for every big ass there is a bigger one? Ass injections are here to stay because of females with low self esteem. 

A lot of haters want to blame Nicki Minaj as the reason for this shit like she invented having a phatty girl. When I met Nicki the first thing I thought was “it’s not even that big”. Don’t get me wrong it’s a nice ass, but to look at pictures and TV you’d think it was this monstrosity. It’s really not. I don’t know about butt injections, only she knows that. But to stand inches away from that ass, you wouldn't go OMG, because you can see bigger asses on girls that work at McDonalds. And to Roman's credit she doesn’t throw the fact that she has a phat ass in everyone’s face like Trina did. She’s said maybe two punch lines about her butt, she would much rather brag about shoes than her ass. Love her or hate her you have to respect that she’s not promoting that part of her persona in her lyrics or overtly in her videos (not one ass shot in the "Moment For Life" video), so stop using her as the spokesperson for these butt injections.

Niggas love big butts, some would choose a big ass over a pretty face, and I know it makes pretty girls with smaller derrieres upset, but why waste your energy? No one can tell another person to like one thing over another. Every girl has things they would change about themselves, but at the end of the day be comfortable in your skin and have confidence that no girl is sexier than you are. And if pretty Tony with the wavy hair doesn’t like you because you don’t have a donk, you’re lucky because any man who is that ass obsessed has probably put his mouth places you don’t want to kiss after.